put me in coach

yes it's that time again. we get to hear all about eating made from scratch jellies, fried butter, heaping amounts of corn smut then take a bath in ethanol. it's going to be a fun couple of days. someone decided that Iowa was going to be a good state to begin the campaign process. I can think of other states that would have been worse choices...Hawaii, Alaska, that's it. Can't think of anything else that would trump Iowa as an idiotic state to start. What were those silly founders thinking? How did they decide to make this the kick off point? As with most things, I have a theory: darts.

Here's how the mainstream media gets the American people to dig the Iowa caucuses: We need to raise the level of debate. We need to get Americans talking about this. And what better way then to put some politicians in the middle of the country where there is nothing else around, and make them create tents with petting zoos, pie eating contests and cornhole tournaments. May the best tent win?

Here's what I don't get (only one thing right?) how am I supposed to be involved with this public debate? I guess when I hear Governor Rick Perry of Texas standing on a 10 foot tower of hay and  posing like the Brawny guy saying Barrack Obama doesn't love America as much as he does could do the trick. If nothing else, this leaves me with an opportunity to create some really bad jokes. Loving America sounds like a good enough reason to vote for him. Doesn't it? Oh it doesn't? Oh, we all love America? Ok, so what does that mean for the Governor of Texas? He loves America so much that he's willing to get the country drunk on Yeagermister and make love to America and ask for the phone number later. Sure he says that he loves America, let's see what happens when he leaves the room service bill on the nightstand and goes over to China's house for a quickie the next day. Rick Perry loves America so much that he's willing to sacrifice livestock (or the middle class) in it's name. If America was a $50 hooker, Rick Perry would climb a fire escape to the top floor apartment and hand America a bouquet of Vietnamese grown flowers and a box of German chocolates. Rick Perry loves America so much that his campaign slogan is "sodomizing America today, for tomorrow."

Never mind the economic crises, the political rhetoric, never mind we're fighting two seemingly endless and overwhelmingly expensive wars. Let's not talk about all the decisions that Obama hasn't made, all the campaign promises broken and how wimpy wimpy wimpy he has become on account of Republicans, Tea Partiers and Blue Dogs. Let us all join hands and unite around the idea that we love America more than the President. Good campaign message. Forget everything else, it's all about love people.

Aside from the lashings that Rush Limbaugh has been giving Obama over the past few years, the news organizations are now jumping on the Rush wagon and questioning whether or not the President of the United Sates loves the country that he leads (or at least he makes a effort to). Seriously, this is what we're talking about. So, where does that put us? Does it mean that other leaders of the world are saying, "holy cow, he doesn't even like America. Let's get him! He won't even care. He'll probably lace up his boots help us out." NO. Of course not. So now what do we think? Do we think that because he doesn't love America he will pile drive us from the top rope and eat our children? NO. Of course not. He is the President of the United Sates, and as much as we may not like it, he lives in the big white house on Pennsylvania Avenue. Why can't we unite behind this president? is he a bad guy? if so, why did we vote for him? why all of the sudden are we questioning his patriotism? I'll tell you why, because the Governor of Texas opened his mouth for 5 minutes. I can't wait to see how (or if) he responds to the Governor's declaration of love.

The solution: put me in coach! I for one will be writing my name in on the ballot in 2012...I suggest you all do the same (write your name in, not mine....sorry for the dangling modifier). How cool would it be if there were 300 million different people who all got one vote. mhuhaha. take that democracy! we're going to stone cold stun the free speech right out of you.