more food jokes

I watch the food network probably more than a heterosexual male should. I'm just baffled by how cool we can make food. and it helps when Giada wears a low cut shirt (manhood restored). Here's what makes me a little crazy: I can follow a recipe about 7/8 of the way through. I think, "I could do that, it'd be fun, not too tough, tasty. Yeah, I'll do that tomorrow." then the Barefoot Contessa hits me with the deal breaker and my culinary dreams are frapped like the egg wash for the battered and fried sea bass. They walk through it so casually. "And to put this all together what you really need is the spit from a Galapagos turtle. There's really no way in getting around it. But if you have a decent grocery store around you, they should have it." yeah right lady! First of all I have a Food Lion and a Walmart close to me and second if the planets aligned and volcanoes erupted the seas stood still and Jesus returned, I still wouldn't eat your ridiculous turtle spit. Then without taking a breath, the food is on the plate and thne cut to a group of people enjoying fried sea bass with turtle spit in a garden setting with a lake in the background. Laughing and carrying on and not knowing that I'm on the other side of the camera with teary eyes and a shattered heart just knowing that I'll never master the art of getting people to eat turtle spit and smile about it. I think I'll stick to stuff that comes from a Kraft box, no spit required. Zero to a full tummy in less than 10 minutes. Beat that Rachel Ray.